At some point, hopefully, sooner rather than later, a person realizes they need to take a look at how they treat themselves. Show yourself some compassion.
No one outside our inner circles cares if we fail at something. We perceive that they do, but unless it directly affects them, they merely take note and move on. Everyone is dealing with issues.
The parenting style of the day when I was growing up was that making a mistake was embarrassing and shameful. What would the neighbours think? We had to take responsibility and own up to the error of our ways. The intent was to build character, but it made some scared to try things for fear of failure.
Today's parents have swung too far the other way in some cases. If kids never have to accept the consequences of their actions, how will they cope with life’s disappointments? It is fantastic to encourage them to try, but it is also essential to help them set realistic expectations.
Atychiphobia is a type of anxiety. It is an intense fear of failure. It comes from the Greek word atyches, meaning unfortunate.
This fear is a big deal because it can lead to emotional and psychological problems like depression and low self-esteem. It can affect how we perform at school and work. Interactions with family and friends can change. No one wants to be around someone who is always negative and can't let things go.
You may not be able to relax, sleep or enjoy activities. Physical symptoms can include chills, dizziness, sweating, heart palpitations, nausea, shortness of breath, and shaking.
Failure bruises our egos. Feeling vulnerable is uncomfortable, so we may avoid situations where we think failure could be the outcome. "When the ego dies, the soul awakens." Mahatma Gandhi
There is no shame in seeking help if we feel overwhelmed. If we don't, we may become pessimistic, and our fears can be irrational.
Behavioural therapy, gradually exposing ourselves to experiences outside our comfort zone, can help us overcome what is holding us back.
Accept constructive criticism, as it can be beneficial. We do not have to recreate the wheel. We can learn from those who went before us. There is a vast difference, though, between someone who criticizes based on their insecurities and someone who offers valuable ideas and solutions.
We often read too much into our mistakes. The fear of failure suppresses our creativity. Look at it as simply feedback.
I once thought the words “good for you for trying” were patronizing. I now recognize these as encouraging words.
I spent years being afraid to try new things because I might fail. Now I try to gracefully accept my mistakes and focus on the fact that I tried. My current conundrum is that I am pulled in many directions trying to make up for lost time.
Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, big or small. Treat yourself to a favourite meal, an event you will look forward to attending, a movie night curled up under your blankie or a bubble bath.
For every bit of success someone achieves, challenges happen that we know nothing about. We assume that everything came easy.
Here are a few examples of how I've struggled career-wise over the last few years.
I have:
- spent hours writing, editing and recording stories that didn't resonate with people like I thought they would.
- made products for my gift shop that no one wanted to try, so I used them up myself or gave them away.
- been a vendor at various tradeshows; some were disappointing, while sales were good at others.
- lost income and was unexpectedly left with extra inventory when five of the businesses where I sold my products closed for various reasons.
- struggled to balance the time I spent on a project vs what I could recoup through sales.
- submitted my writing and photography to various publications and contests. I have been published, but I have received rejections too.
Were these endeavours complete failures? Absolutely not; I learned about myself, my community and the world through researching stories. I found creative skills and courage I didn't know I had and met interesting and knowledgeable people.
I believe that when one door closes, another one opens. I have experienced it several times.
Failure can be a good thing. It’s a redirection that shows us where we shouldn’t be. It gives us a chance to reevaluate and come back stronger.
We will fail - a lot. Success goes to your head; failure goes to your heart. We learn from every experience, the good, the bad and the ugly. Look for the humour in life.
Life should be a crazy, beautiful, awesome journey. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t let other people's negativity dictate what you do. Encourage others, but distance yourself from those who do not inspire you to be the best version of yourself.
It may be necessary to stop doing things that aren't working for you, but NEVER beat yourself up for trying. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Doing is the best way to learn. Now when I hear someone apologizing for their lack of success or criticizing themselves for a venture that didn't work out, I tell them to NEVER beat themselves up for trying. I also have to remind myself that this applies to me too.
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