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When our kids leave home and we reflect on the experiences we shared, the activities they participated in and the challenges we helped them navigate, we may say to ourselves, "Damn, no wonder I'm tired”!
This article is a recap of what it’s like in the trenches or a heads-up about what you’re getting into, depending on what stage of life you’re at. I’m not complaining; I love being a parent. This story is meant to be a reflective and humorous take on parenthood.
WHAT IS A PARENT?
I looked up the definition of a parent and it said a father or mother, but then I found another option that read a person who begets or brings forth offspring. I like that one better.
Nine months of pregnancy and then bam you are sent home with a tiny, wrinkled creature who is completely helpless and dependent on you. Can anyone really ever prepare themselves for that?
The idea that only a biological mother or father can fill the role of a parent is outdated. There are many variations of who is raising today's children. It could be a mother and father, a single parent, grandparents, stepparents, adoptive parents, or aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. After all, it takes a village to raise a child.
Parenting is a huge job with many responsibilities and no pay that requires a long-term commitment, yet the only training we receive is the example set for us. If your experiences didn't adequately prepare you for parenthood, don't be afraid to ask for help. You can be the one to reset the cycle in your family. Being a parent is the hardest job you’ll ever love.
KEEP THEM BUSY
I think it is important for kids to do activities as your budget allows. It does not always have to be organized ones if that doesn't work for your family. You can do creative and active things at home, like drawing, colouring, painting, telling stories, building things, playing cards and board games and going outside to play or ride bikes. Take advantage of the parks, playgrounds, libraries, rinks and pools in your area.
Many of us have spent countless hours at arenas, ball or soccer fields, gyms, and dance studios and when our kids are past that stage, there is often a void in our lives.
WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A PARENT
It takes the patience of a saint when you are informed at bedtime that they need something for show and tell, the science fair, or the bake sale the next day. Some kids potty train like a dream, while others hang out in their pull-ups until they are ready to give them up. They will hide behind the recliner and poop in their diaper rather than sit on the potty. That hour in the evening, when your children turn mean, is called the witching hour for a reason.
Kids will need to talk to you as soon as you’re on the phone, paying for your groceries, or in the bathroom. Bath and bedtime rituals involve a long leisurely soak (for them, not you), a snack, pleading for one more minute of whatever, requests to lay with them, or reports that something scary is in their room.
It takes patience to let them choose what to wear and dress themselves on busy mornings. The battle to get older kids to clean their room rages on in many homes. It is hard to resist the urge just to do everything yourself.
Have you ever traveled with kids arguing in the backseat of your vehicle? A true test of your mental endurance. “Don’t make me turn this car around”, may be an idle threat that escapes your lips. You will feel your shoulders touching your ears as you clutch the steering wheel a little tighter when they ask “are we there yet” twenty minutes into a five-hour trip.
How many times can you read the same book or watch the same kid’s shows without losing your mind? My son wanted me to read him The Bernstein Bear’s book, The Bike Lesson repeatedly. I would place the book in the garbage can by the bed and wait for him to notice it in there at bedtime and snicker as he rescued it. It was a joke, honest.
If you can withstand being asked “why” a thousand times, much respect to you. You can't always explain your logic, sometimes saying, “Because I said so, that’s why”, is all you have in you.
There is a misconception that just because you begot an offspring you have the ability to read minds. One day they want the crust cut off, and the next day, you should have known that is not cool. Cut it up, don't cut it up, not the purple cup, the blue one. Last week it was Froot Loops, this week they are out, and Corn Pops are where it's at. Try and keep up, please.
You can be in multiple places at once, can't you? For example, kid A has soccer, kid B has gymnastics and kid C just barfed in your minivan. If you have a partner or helper, dividing and conquering is the best option.
The ability to multitask is invaluable when you must carry one child on your hip as you change the laundry and cook dinner, help another with their homework and scrub markers off the other’s face.
Be prepared to teach and assist with homework at all grade levels and subjects, at times in another language. If you think you’re in the clear once they reach post-secondary school, think again. Hello, proofreading essays. Diligently attending parent-teacher interviews, awards days and school or church concerts becomes a part of life. Through the years you will teach them everything from how to eat to driving a vehicle.
Kids are noisy, but it is when it gets too quiet that you need to worry about what they are up to.
PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES BENEFICIAL TO PARENTS
A minimum of one good hip and the strength to lug a thirty-pound toddler who is throwing a tantrum out of a mall is a must.
You will also need 20/20 vision to find lost items that are right in front of them (a skill also useful with husbands). Eyes in the back of your head are helpful so no one gets away with anything on your watch. A keen sense of smell to sniff diaper bums and the agility to wrestle them down for a diaper change are needed.
Army crawling out of the bedroom of a child who finally fell asleep is, at times, the only avenue of escape. Tough, leathery feet for stepping on legos and Barbie shoes will save you every time.
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
You need to train your body to function on minimal sleep for night feedings and through two years of teething. Kids often want to crawl into your bed in the middle of the night and sheer exhaustion allows you to slip into a fitful sleep despite a foot or butt in your face. Sleeping in on the weekend is, unlikely as little kids like to get up at 5:00 am.
I don't remember ever sleeping in my mom and dad’s bed. I always shared a room with one of my sisters so I never got lonesome. I suppose it was when families got smaller and kids had their own rooms that they started to show up at their parents’ bedside in the middle of the night.
Then comes the friends and sleepover stage, the agony of giggling girls or farting boys. This adolescent stage can be difficult because they are too old to play with kid toys, but too young to do things older teenagers enjoy.
TEENAGERS
The teenage years are when they struggle to gain independence and friends are everything. Your well-honed skill of functioning on little sleep comes in handy when you’re waiting up for a teenager to come home. I think I have residual PTSD from the sound of loud mufflers and music blasting. The load of schoolwork increases and dating may involve some drama.
Around 2007 while in high school, our son and a group of friends pooled their money and bought a 1981 blue Chevy van that became known as the “grad” van. Every time I heard or saw that thing another grey hair appeared. I was so scared they were going to get into an accident. Sadly, the grad van’s engine caught fire after a trip to a hockey game on a frigid winter night. It broke my heart to see it go, and no I didn't torch it.
If you’re having trouble communicating with your teen, try side-by-side activities. Things like washing the dishes, folding laundry, or laying on their bed and talking where you aren't looking directly at each other puts them at ease and the activity distracts them and they will often start talking. Let them talk.
ADDITIONAL TASKS
Be a short-order cook who prepares and entices children to eat nutritious goodness. You will need to pack lunches, knowing some of which will travel back and forth to school for a week. You can get a surprising amount of mileage out of an apple, a banana, not so much. Provide fabulous snacks, because we know it's all about the snacks!
Fundraising will be necessary to supplement the cost of their activities to keep you out of the poor house. This will involve convincing family and friends to buy chocolates, meat, wreaths, tickets, poinsettias, spices, baked goods, and other random things.
You will be encouraged (voluntold) to scorekeep, collect admission, make costumes, coach, manage a team or work the canteen. One benefit of this though, is that your kids see you volunteering and they remember that example when they are parents.
Provide cleaning services to keep the house presentable. Give yourself a break though and just try to hit the most disgusting spots if you are feeling overwhelmed! If you stick to the floor, you may have to wash it, and under couch cushions - proceed with caution.
Children are messy; clean the high chair and within a four-foot radius of it and as for the car seat, dump that sucker upside down outside. Toss old food hunks to the birds as you stroll, it's a win-win, happy birdies and a cleaner stroller. Work your magic and make a few toys disappear, or cycle them out so there aren't so many laying around at once.
Laundry is the gift that keeps on giving. You will not be caught up on the laundry for the next eighteen years, accept it.
Setting boundaries and limits and mastering “the look” is crucial to your survival. I feel like getting sent to your room now is different than it was back in the day. All we had in our room was a bed, a chair and a dresser, and it was a punishment to stay in there with nothing to do.
Let it be known that when you use their full name, things are about to get real.
Strong interrogation skills are needed to determine who ate the last cookie, chocolate, or piece of broccoli (just kidding, scratch that last one).
When managing kid’s screen time keep in mind that if you restrict it too much you will have to be the entertainment.
Counselling experience in a variety of situations, including issues between friends, bullying, crushes and broken hearts and major life decisions will come in handy.
Be prepared to administer first aid to treat all the things shared at daycare and school; runny noses, fevers, barfing, hacking coughs, weird rashes, pinkeye, and hand, foot and mouth disease. Owies ranging from diaper rash, road rash, insect bites, cuts, minor burns or slivers to bruises will need attention. Fortunately, a Band-Aid is often all that is needed for a miraculous recovery. The use of trickery and bribery may be necessary when administering medicine.
Ensure adequate dental care by scheduling regular checkups, and that teeth are brushed, even when they don't have any. Instill a solid fear of sugar bugs in your children and provide moral support when a loose tooth dangles from their mouth for a week.
Possessing an array of creative talents will take the pressure off as you make special appearances as the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. The skill to provide Valentine's card-making support and next-level Halloween costumes should also be in your wheelhouse. Oh, and add the Elf On The Shelf’s shenanigans, cake decorating and party planning to the list. Intricate creations will need to be created out of playdough plus drawing, painting and colouring will occur. Experience with markers, glue, tape, scissors and glitter is an asset.
Be a hairstylist who can put a ponytail on a moving target and gently remove elastics and brush out knots. Remove clumps of gum and repair self-administered haircuts; the ones where they've cut their bangs to the scalp.
Your photography skills will be put to the test like never before. You will take 2.5 million photos of your children, seven of which will be worth keeping (once you exclude eyes closed, tongues out, goofy faces, turned away, laying on the floor, running away, and nose picking). I keep a special folder on my phone called “What the Heck” for such photos. The grandkids love going through those silly images and recounting the stories behind them.
Mechanical and auto body training is useful for repairing dismembered dolls, broken toys, bicycles and when your the truck gets a “small” scratch when your teen drives it.
Carpentry skills are useful for building blanket, tree and snow forts and block towers. Larger projects may include repairing damaged gyprock and chipped paint or a broken window from a misguided ball.
SWAT-level negotiation skills are often needed at bedtime, when attempting to promote cleanliness, at mealtimes, when managing treat consumption, at the store or in disputes between siblings. When my son was little, he told me that he felt better when he was dirty so he didn’t need a bath.
Me time - you must be joking.
Parenting is a daily roller coaster of emotions as you can feel happy, grossed out, sad, proud, angry, or frustrated. You might laugh or cry or laugh and cry at the same time. It’s expensive and exhausting but it is also incredibly rewarding in so many ways.
There is no stronger emotion than the love you feel for your child. You fiercely protect them like a momma bear guarding her cubs because your instinct to keep them safe is so strong.
All these things sound like a lot but loving them unconditionally and trying our best to set a good example are a major part of parenting. Give them your time, don't watch them play, play with them when possible. Let them see your sense of humour and that you aren't perfect, you make mistakes too and that is ok.
It is memories like these that will play through your mind for the rest of your life. I hope yours are good ones!
Stages of Importance During Parenthood
Baby
- has total admiration and love for you
Toddler
- wants a bit of independence “Me do”
Child
- begins to realize life was good when you did everything for them
Preteen
- sending prayers your way
Teenager
- in their eyes, at times you know little
Adult children living on their own
- you suddenly seem reasonably intelligent again
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